请大家帮我评一下这篇作文

不怎么样！
事情描述的件数太多，应该集中写一件事。概括语句太多了！“‘快乐’，一个多么语重心长的词语，一个多么让人回味无穷的词语；它是那么的温馨，那么的令人陶醉，那么的令人深思。”都可以删除了！我觉得可以把“快乐就在京都”改成“快乐就在于学英语”，这样意义比较深刻！“所有不愉快在那一瞬间都融化成了快乐 ”，为什么不写出快乐的原因呢？
语句通顺，修辞手法运用正确，还需要再改改！

Happy was jingdu

English Training Center Kyoto Class47韦瑜Chris

What is happiness? Perhaps you will say that happiness is the dedication, is to give happiness, happiness is a happiness is

Mother's embrace of the moment, is happy to enjoy the gorgeous stage lights, the joy is to work seriously to pay after the

The results of happiness • • • • • • I do not think are right, then happy where? I find happiness in Kyoto.

Kyoto English training center to give the students some training opportunities, often get some games, such as the British

Story Contest language, English singing contests, games written in English • • • • • • which dissolved in the body when feeling

Unlimited happiness, happiness is not just a good place to get the results have more fun, or more than

Match process, the following I will give you talk about my experience it!

Last month, we Kyoto English Training Center organized a "I am a little singer" in English songs

Singing competition, has just heard the news, like singing, I immediately go to the registration. In the course of the game, I

And his companions were singing, dancing, fun night to energy, and we sing Boundin games, is inferior to others

Tournament when we撒花, sprayed ribbon, hit the palm of your hand toys, cheered; home have been exhausted. Ten

Am happy. To the final results came out, we have the ranking is not very high, but at least a

Ranking and, more importantly, the game, we enjoy a lot of fun. The happiness is Kyoto

English to us!

In Kyoto to learn, happy, not only is your course of the action, or do you consider the results of that action.

I remember when I just came to the new concept of English classes at the first examination, her mother said that I learned "Look"

Few examinations to test a new concept that is very frequent, and to some seriously, and then they started trouble

Review impatient and uninteresting, it is necessary to know, that night will have to see my favorite "Happy Camp" Yes! Really

I did not give急死. Know the results, I actually had 119 points, only one can get out!

That night all unhappy in that moment have become a happy melting.

"Happy", what a sincere and earnest words, what a memorable phrase people; it is

So warm, so fascinating, so consideration. In Kyoto, happy everywhere, nowhere

Not there, happy in Kyoto!

好！

满好的，但是，有些还要简短一些

不怎么好

还不错